Those Words given by A Parent That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good place. You require support. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a broader inability to open up between men, who continue to absorb damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a break - going on a couple of days overseas, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."