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The program for the John F. Kennedy Center in the nation's capital shows a fun bilingual show and an ad-libbed theatrical troupe. Notably missing from the advertised schedule is Friday's Geopolitics World Cup draw, presumably because it is a exclusively private affair. Organizers seem intent on prevent any unwanted guests from showing up at what threatens to be an excessively long, self-aggrandizing spectacle where well-paid celebrities will doubtlessly repeat the tired platitude that "football brings together the world."

A Star-Studded Crew

A glamorous ceremony is due to be emceed by German model-turned-TV presenter Heidi Klum alongside small-statured American standup comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Joining the celebrity roster will be American football star Eli Manning on red-carpet details and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming reporter. Collectively, they will oversee a production that will undoubtedly have English football fans nostalgic for missing the halcyon, pomp-free days of former managers, FA officials, the old draw system and a trusty velvet bag of simple, lottery balls.

Set to last the thick end of three long hours, the show will feature a lengthy agenda of speechifying, saccharine highlight reels, approved gags, celebrity guests, performances from acts with perhaps no embarrassment or financial motivations, and then... at last, the actual World Cup draw.

Athletic Greats on Draw Duty

Included in those helping to conducting the draw? NBA giant Shaquille O'Neal, hockey icon Wayne Gretzky, NFL star Tom Brady and MLB star Aaron Judge, all selecting numbered spheres under the supervision of ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand. Considering the vast, untapped reservoir of personality possessed by these ageing sporting legends, short of an armed security team crashing the ceremony, it's difficult to envision what could potentially go wrong.

In reality, very little, if the tone-deaf defence of FIFA's well-documented World Cup ticket price-gouging mounted by an overly deferential spokesperson is any kind of gauge. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more accessible for average fans, the reply was vague. "I think we have to be conscious of that and I think FIFA are certainly people that are aware of that," was the statement. "But listen, I think we can look at every sector, every sector, we could have that conversation about things," he added. The implication seemed to be that premium costs are acceptable when contrasted with other luxury items.

The Main Event

With 42 nations already qualified for next year's jamboree and six more set to qualify, there will be a real air of excitement once the opening acts conclude and the actual draw begins. While fans worldwide wait with great anticipation to see which three teams their own country will play in the group stages, the suspense will be nothing compared to that which precedes the announcement of the winner of FIFA's first-ever peace prize for "people who help unite people in peace through unwavering dedication and special deeds." Given that the draw is in the US capital and the World Cup is mostly in the US, guesses about the winner are ripe, even if the clues are apparent.

"I have no worries at the moment. I was speaking to the owner today. My relationship with him is rock solid really. I have a truly open, honest and realistic relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have absolutely no concerns whatsoever" – a statement from a manager with a team on a five-match winless run, providing a classic remark likely to be revisited if/when changes occur in the future.

Readers' Letters

• "Regarding the mention of a possible club named Kevin... there is an talented Brazilian winger named Kevin at Fulham who cost more than £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be asked to purchase a lower league club and bestow his name on it."
• "Going to local games in the past, when the answer was 'Keith', the reply was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! Of what were you thinking? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an additional referee."
• "Concern is growing ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what memorable tune will certain performers come up with if a certain individual remains on the stage, requiring an additional song?"